there are many times when i am overcome with emotion and feel the undying need to spill my thoughts to this little page. now is not one of those times, but i was struck with feeling earlier this evening, so i figure it's better late than never.

i'm going to take the time to explain myself.. in case you ever want to get to know me, everything you need should be right here.

my first name is rhonda, followed by the middle name, leah, which is pronounced like "lee."

i'm probably younger than you.

i don't steal the covers. (too much too soon? get over it.)

i love stoner movies, or really any r rated movie that's written with cleverity.

i make up words, such as cleverity, and they are stored in my rhondationary, which i keep between the folds of my brain.

it takes me a while before i can really trust you, and i'll probably always be a little wary, but i do give love away very easily. i think i'm pretty easy to talk to.

i have had experience with tragedy. know that, but don't be guarded - i'll question you, i swear.

there's only one way to really win me over... it's listed in one of my previous blogs. if you're cunning take a peak, you won't be able to complete the task anyway.

i miss alot of things. i blogged about that too, but my list could definitely use some updating.

music is seriously what keeps me here. without it, i would be empty, heartless.

liars are my least favorite thing.

i give away my personal information like it's everybody's information. it's mostly because i'm so laid back.

i fear nothing but losing my friends.

pokemon is way too awesome. i catch that on cartoon network every saturday morning.

i love helping people and saving things. even though i am a leo (in love with myself), i'll listen to what you have to say and i'll really care.

i'm going to be myself, whether you like it or not. i am, however, able to make slight modifications if you are horribly offended, but it isn't something i particularly care for.

BUBBLES: i fucking love them.

i have a ton of great friends who live hundreds of miles away from me.

i highly dislike being left hanging.

and i don't know what else to say. if you ask, i'll tell - that's the kind of person i am.

xoxo,

   rhondaaa

my title comes from a song - a song that seems to be following me around recently - it's old, and it's called Dare You to Move by Switchfoot. it pushed itself back into my life for the first time a while back, when i watched A Walk to Remember for the first time. after that, i found it and really listened to it again, after many years of its apparent dormancy. i'll give you the lyrics before i go updating you about my life, because i just think they should be shared.

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before.

okay, so those are the lyrics. they may be a bit repetitive, but they just move me, and i guess listening to that song has sort of enlightened me. i feel like i have let one guy control the way i think and the way i feel about myself for too long. i have realized, thanks to yet another guy, that he was not as special as i thought. i have decided, that if this new guy, dylan, is going to love me, i'm going to let him, and i'm not going to push his love away just because of what some other guy did to me previously. i am going into this whole thing expecting nothing to come out of it. i don't expect forever with dylan, because i know it is far from realistic; he lives in fucking utah. something just feels real about him, more so than it has before. when he says he loves me, i feel like i can truly believe him, and that maybe he hasn't opened up like that to anyone but me before. but, back to switchfoot: i give that song full responsibility for my new found go-with-the-flow attitude. i mean, i've always been a chill person, and i know that there are other things that contribute to the somewhat new me, but the lyrics of that song really sealed the deal.

i've begun to notice the little things again. for example, this flower:

this flower was alone, on a small tree with absolutely no other sign of life. there were no leaves nor were there any other flowers on this tree, just this singular flower beginning to open. i don't know exactly why, but this one little plain-looking flower inspired the shit out of me. i saw it, and i immediately thought about my lonely xanga, and my true need to blog.

hmm, this might turn out to be a picture blog. ideas keep sprouting from the so-called brilliant head of mine.

i went to the mountains with erina, and this picture right here means more to me than alot that i have taken. it is important for reasons that i only i know, and it will probably stay that way because it would take much too long to actually break it down for others. i look at it - crappy camera quality and all - and think about what it would be like to be on the mountains in the distance, actually in the clouds. to be able to stand in the clouds has been a dream of mine since i was a kid and it is a thought that really makes me zone out. it isn't necessarily a good thing, because it leads to retrospection, self-reflection, and worldly thoughts, amongst others. it is strange to me how it happens, but i guess i'm just a weird kid. sometimes i get caught up in thinking, and it happened to me a few times on the trip with erina. i would crawl under the pool table, and think really deeply - i'm sure she didn't realize it, but i do that alot at my house, and it's just sort of a comfort zone for me. i truly believe i could benefit from professional help, i could be that screwed up. i guess recently i have pretended to be stronger than i actually am. it is hard to deal with the loss of a family member, especially when it's your brother. one day i will thoroughly blog about it, but i can't go into depth now because it is still very hard.

geez, i know there were other things i wanted to talk about, more shallow things i'm sure, but i honestly can't think of anything. hopefully, i'll start getting on here more often.

xoxo,

   rhondaaa